Wilted.

Futureme.org
Send letters to the future.
Sick.
Me -> You Know Who.

August 23, 2010

Hey you :)

I know this is pretty weird, but I'm bored so endure it.

It's 8:30 on a lonely Wednesday night.

I guess when you get this letter, it'll be my first day of school.

I miss you terribly, but it's not anything new.

Most days are like this anymore, but I have to suck it up and move on like everybody else has to.

I'm not the only one going through a severe heartache.

My situation isn't that bad, really.

I mean, it's not like we had a lot of anything.

I hope you're doing well; hopefully I am by now, too.

Maybe you've found the cure to your loneliness.

I know you won't end up alone in the end, because if we all try, we'll all end up exactly where we want to be.

It just involves being who you want, where you want, doing what you want to do.
How could you not get what you wanted that way?

Btw, you're comment about no guy thinking I was hot yesterday was so not OK!

If you don't want to be alone, that is definately not the way to treat a girl.

Especially since I complimented you, saying that other girls thought you were hot and you were a nerd (which, if you remember, is my way of saying super cute).

Most people don't realize that you, deep down, are really not all that smooth. (I'm not being a bitch, so stop thinking that).

You don't take showers during the summer because you're so lazy and too busy playing video games.

I mean, really? Most girls can't find that attractive.

Well, except for me, but that's because I'm mentally retarded.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

That I love you with all of my heart and that I miss you?

Or that I wish things ended differently?

Of course, but I think I've made that clear enough as it is.

I hope this is the last hugely long letter that you get from me, and as it is, I'm just doing it to see if it really works.

Hopefully you haven't gotten one since yesterday (Tuesday, 5/25/10).

I always feel like I'm bothering you with them, but it really is my best way of closure.

I feel secure when you know how I feel and where I stand.

When I tell you not to talk to me so I can finally move on, you usually do stop.

For about two weeks, then you start back up again.

That confuses me.

I don't understand whether or not you want to talk to me or you're just bored.

And if you want to talk to me, does that mean you miss me like I miss you?

I doubt it, but the hope is unbelieveable.

My stomach still fills with knots whenever you talk to me.

I feel like throwing up when I imagine you with somebody else.

My head whirls when you ignore me, or when you don't respond.

I feel like a lost little girl, and I can't help but say that I am.

The only reason you gave me for splitting was the distance and that I was freakishly clingly (by the way, I don't mean to be, I just talk a lot and I feel like I really care about you).

-> The distance never bothered me so much, seeing as anything could happen, and I was in a lot of love, so I felt like it would last forever and things would mend themselves. It wasn't that far anyways, so I got over it.

-> Again, the clingy I let go because I'm not crazy, I'm just... scared. Really scared.

"I always feel like I have to explain my feelings and that I miss you. I don't. You know them and have responded and what's needed to be said has been. I still feel like things are unfinished, even though they totally are. I never lose hope and that's what fucking sucks. I feel like my love is real, but it's not. I based everything we had on what I thought happened and not what really did, so I think there's always a sweeter opinion you have of me that you're not telling me, which isn't true. This is why I feel lonely and can't stop talking to you. I give you all of the control because I want a response that I'll never get. I'm sorry... I'm typical and enflate your, already way too big, ego." 11:39 pm, 5/25/10

"I'm scared to let go because I feel like I'll never find anyone more important to me. I'm so scared of being lonely like this forever. 60% of you I love and 40% of you I hate, but can stand. I don't like perfect and that's why you are to me." 12:17 am, 5/26/10

They pretty much sum things up.

I don't know what to do with you anymore.

I don't feel like we can be friends because I'm constantly reminded of what we had and I'm constantly reminded that I want it back.

You don't seem to stop talking to me for more than a span of 2 weeks.

Then again, when you do it's just a "Hey you" or something of that nature.

You usually don't carry on a conversation for much longer.

Anyways, maybe when you get this you'll hit me up.

Love you always,

Alex.

P.S. I hope school is well for you; I can't believe you graduated. You're such an old man.

P.P.S. & I forgot to say that Paul McGill looks a lot like you.

Well, the only time he really does is in the movie 'Fame'.